A lighter look at the heavier side of life!

There's a new scourge doing the rounds in Metros across the country. Until now, it was only a slim minority of burgeoning women who were caught in its gooey trap. Now the average urbanite is gaining a march. It's called Platefulitis. Or Gluttony, in plain, simple English. And we've got more than our fair share of it! People are succumbing to it every day, without even a second thought to a third helping. After all, doesn't society encourage us to be well-rounded individuals?

Unlike most childhood afflictions, Platefulitis grows on you. Literally. You can pick it up anywhere. A party, a buffet, a friend's place… over a meal. The first incidence of invariably occurs when food is both abundant and more importantly, free! The sight of mounds of elaborately garnished gastronomical delicacies has a strange effect on various parts of the human physiognomy.The eyes glaze over with culinary lust, gastric juices go into overdrive, the brain stops functioning rationally and the hand shoots forward towards the nearest plate. Like an automaton programmed to devour everything edible in sight. Systematically, helping by helping. Hor's d'oeuvres mysteriously vanish from the table , landing in your plate. Soups are red herrings, placed by the enemy to distract you and impede your progress. They're politely given a wide berth. The main courses are attacked with a vengeance worthy of an "A" rating. And peace reigns only once you've stacked it all up nicely and start gliding back to your table. The first helping is dealt with in no time and you're ready for more. Before you know it, the third helping's gone by in a blur. Your heels suddenly seem a little shorter. You've worn out a path leading to the buffet table, you're sure a seam's going to give…and then you spot the desserts. Technicolour ice creams, seductively dark chocolate cake, truffles, souffles and you can't stand it any more…Welcome to Platefulitis.

It's no wonder that most platefillers flaunt the burden of their excesses with pride. Come to think of it, when was the last time someone made way for you on the foothpath?! Or the last time you got even with the weighing machine at the railway station? Or turn the neighbourhood taporis into jelly with one quivering look…all 160 pounds of it! There's a lot to be said for life on the wrong side of 60.

Platefillers come in all shapes and sizes, most of them round. But jokes apart, a serious study of this affliction has shown that there are various strains of Platefillers, each having distinct behavioural patterns.

Platefilitus Rotundus; Physical characteristics of this type of Platefiller can only be described as positively globular. This is a very chronic case of Platefilitus, in which the afflictee reaches alarming proportions. Normally seen at the head of food queues with amazing frequency. Platefilitus Rotundus is very placid and content as long as she can waddle back to her table without toppling a chair or losing any food along the way.

Platefilitus Alertus; A seasoned platefiller, Platefilitus Alertus is often spoted walking along, nose high in the air, sniffing around for a good meal. This is an evolved gourmand who tends to pig out selectively and can be found around the meals in town. Unlike her cousin Rotundus, Alertus is a stickler where quality and quantity of food provided are concerned. You can be sure she's at the best meals in town!

Platefilitus Bashfulus; Afflicted by a very mild case of platefilitus, or in the early stages of the affliction, Platefilitus Bashfulus has to be coaxed and cajoled into taking a second helping of anything! Bashfulus is the sweetest and coyest of all the Platefilitus afflictees, but unfortunately, it's almost always a transition stage and hence very short lived.

Platefilitus Aggressus ;This is the fittest type of Platefiller. And the most lethal. Aggressus are easily recognized as they'll be the only ones jostling in a food queue. Heaven help a slow waiter or a line-jumper. Hell hath no fury like an Aggressus delayed! Surprisingly, Aggressus is angry and intimidating only when there's food around, but tame as a pussycat at most other times. Talk about split personalities!

Platefilitus Saladus; A woman of the world, who lives in a world of delusions. A control freak, Platefilitus Saladus can be spotted at every salad bar in town. Unlike most other Platefillers, she doesn't eat, she nibbles gently at sandwiches, sprouts and salads. Platefilitus Saladus loves discussing the merits of avocadoes and zucchini

If you're sitting there smugly, thinking to yourself that you don't belong in here, forget it! Most of us are addicted to food, insome way or te other. one has to be afflicted, it might as well be something pleasant.

After all, what's life without an extra helping or two?!